“Dad, why do you and mom fight?” -Our son

My husband and I have been dating for 14 years and just celebrated our 9th wedding anniversary. We actually were able to get away for a few days WITHOUT our two children. I highly recommend every married couple to get away. It did wonders for us and our marriage. And it couldn’t have come at a better time. I know this isn’t always possible. Shout out to Gigi and Pops!

But, you could say, we’re past the honeymoon stage…apparently.

My husband was in the kitchen one morning while my son was at the table. I was in the next room making the bed as I heard my son ask my husband, “Why do you and mommy fight?” Ouch. That kind of hurt.

Right before this, my husband and I had a slight disagreement…to put it lightly. Yep. Can you believe it? A husband and wife actually having a disagreement. Shocking, I know. (Insert eye roll) Ha!

As I’m in the other room I’m thinking, “We’ll, I’m the worst mother and wife ever. Failure. Failure. Failure.”

Then I started thinking, “Yes! This is an awesome opportunity to share the gospel and truth with my son!”

I shut Satan up real quick.

So we sat down with our son and explained how we’re sinful and we mess up. We let our emotions get the best of us. Okay. Let me clarify. I do. I let my emotions get the best of me. Not my best moment.

But it’s great for our children to see us mess up and make up. Knowing that we’re not going to quit just because it gets hard.

That we’re working on this life together. That our marriage is something we want to fight FOR. That we ask for forgiveness AND provide forgiveness and move on.

Just like our relationship with the Lord, we have to ask for forgiveness and if we confess our sins, He’s faithful and just to forgive our sins (1 John 1:9).

I pause to insert this picture. I can’t help but literally laugh out loud!
(picture taken from Crafty Mommy on Facebook)

In all seriousness, marriage is hard. It requires work. We plaster ourselves over social media as if it’s all blissful and smiles.

The name of this blog is truth at the altar. I want to break down the lies of Christianity that we “have it all together”. I don’t. I never will. Psalm 51 is written by David who is pouring out his heart to the Lord and asking for forgiveness…he’s being honest with the Lord.

Psalms 51:16-17 says, “For You do not desire sacrifice, or else I would give it; You do not delight in burnt offering. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit, A broken and a contrite heart— These, O God, You will not despise.”

God desires a broken and contrite heart above all of our sacrifices, above all of our acts of obedience. That word contrite means to collapse (physically or mentally), to break, to crush, to humble, to destroy, to oppress (Strong’s). When was the last time your heart was crushed and humbled because of your sin? This is right where God wants us.

I don’t ever want to get to the point where I think my husband and I have it all figured out because then we’ll stop growing and learning together.

One thing I can honestly say, adversity has brought us closer together. I only speak for myself, but I hope he would say the same!

I want to draw out the meaning of verse Proverbs 14:4, “Where no oxen are, the trough is clean; But much increase comes by the strength of an ox.”
Y’all, I’ve read this so many times and every time I was like, what in the world does this mean?! So, being the studious person that I am, I studied out this verse.

My study bible notes and commentary says the following:

“Where there is no progress, there are no problems. Some disturbance is necessary for growth and accomplishment to occur.”

“If a farmer has no oxen for plowing, the manger in his barn is empty, that is, clean. But by spending time and money to feed and clean up after oxen, he will have plenty of food, an abundant harvest, because of the strong oxen’s plowing. Meaningful results of any kind require investing time, money, and work.” -The Bible Knowledge Commentary

Totally wouldn’t have deciphered that from this verse, but these people are way smarter than I am. But, as you can see, disagreements and disturbances are a good thing. They provide opportunities for growth and improvement, both for yourself and in your marriage.

So, married couples, husbands and wives, don’t quit when it gets hard! I’m not talking about adultery or abuse, I’m talking about when you’re just not “feeling” it anymore.

I’m so thankful Christ pursued me and didn’t give up on me when He should have. When I pushed Him away, He pursued me even more. Love is worth fighting for. And God is love, 1 John 4:8!

Christ is married to the church. One day he will return for his bride. Don’t forget His promises to His bride and don’t forsake your vows!

2 thoughts on ““Dad, why do you and mom fight?” -Our son

    1. Thank you for taking the time to read! Life is better with honesty! May we all be an encouragement to one another. And as the saying goes, the struggle is real, but so is my God!


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